I finally updated again. This verse is a simple prayer, prayed by someone who has seperated themselves from God through selfish actions, and wishes to return to him, but doesn't know how.

One day two women came into King Solomon’s court, one of them was carrying a baby. “King,” said the woman with the baby. “We two women share a bed, and last night the woman beside me rolled over and suffocated her child. However, she believes that it was my child who died, and she demands custody of the child in my arms. What should we do?” “Aha,” thought Solomon. “I will astound these women with my wisdom and uncover who the true mother of the child is.” Solomon thought to himself for a few minutes before speaking again. “I have made my decision.” He said. “I will cut the baby in half and give one half to each of you.” “Cut him in half?!” exclaimed the woman who was carrying the baby. “Crosswise or lengthwise?” the other woman asked. This question gave Solomon some pause. “Erm…crosswise.” He replied. “I want the top half then.” Said the woman. “No, wait!” said the woman with the baby. “This must be the real mother.” Thought Solomon. The woman continued. “If you get the top half then all I will get to do is change his diapers!” Solomon was stunned, and sat in a stupor for a moment while the two women argued over which half of the baby they wanted. “What are you complaining about?” asked the woman not carrying the baby. “Just think of all the money you will save on groceries.” “So,” the woman with the baby replied. “You’ll get to see him smile and hear him laugh.” “Ladies!” Solomon had had enough. “You do realize that if I cut the child in half, he will die.” “Oh,” said the woman with the baby. “Then I won’t have to change his diaper. Okay, I will take the bottom half.” Solomon could see that this plan was getting them nowhere, and it was almost dinnertime. The royal chef was preparing roast lamb, Solomon could almost taste it. “Look,” he said to the women. “What about a nice custody arrangement instead? One of you could have him Monday through Thursday, and the other could keep the child on the weekends; how does that sound?” “You know what?” said the woman not carrying the baby. “I have changed my mind.” “Finally,” thought Solomon. “She is going to give the child to the other woman; this must be the true mother.” “Cut it lengthwise.” The woman said. “Oy,” thought Solomon. So much for roast lamb.

A Few Moments Later

There was blood; a surprising amount of it, even considering what just occurred. Solomon was crying inconsolably, the two women were crying too, both moved with compassion. The royal physician just rolled his eyes and muttered under his breath while putting a bandage on Solomon’s cut thumb. “I specifically said, ‘Be careful, Your Majesty, the blade is sharp’ does anyone listen to me? No!” “Oh be quiet!” Solomon yelled. “No one likes a know it all.” “Now, let’s try this again.” Once again Solomon raised his sword over the baby. Suddenly there was a disturbance in the court. Another woman entered and stood below the child. “Stop!” she said. She reached up and snatched the baby from it’s resting place. “I am the child’s mother!” she proclaimed. “These two loons are my sisters. What did they try the old ‘This woman squashed my baby routine?’” “Er….yes.” said Solomon. “And you fell for it?” the woman continued. “Well….yes.” said Solomon. “Then you, my friend, are an idiot! Come on girls let’s go.” And with that, the mother, the baby, and the two sisters all left the King’s court; talking and laughing and planning supper. This left King Solomon alone to sit in confusion and nurse his wounded thumb. That is until the royal chef arrived with the King’s roast lamb.

What is this feeling inside of me? The adult within struggling to be free. Like a caterpillar in chrysalis; I am an adult in kid's clothing. Afraid to step out into the world of responsibility, yet longing for independence. No longer a helpless creature, I am capable of taking care of myself; yet at the same time I don't want to face the harsher realities of growing up. I face an intense contradiction inside. If I choose to remain a child then I forego my independence; but if I choose to be an adult I lose my childhood sense of security, and my days of carefree play. I suppose in the end I must abandon my childhood and set forth into the realm of maturity. I don't really know what awaits me out there; but if I remain a child then I will never know. I would never attain my independence, nor would I be able to make my unique mark on the world; whatever that mark may be. And so, regardless of my conflicting feelings, I will shed my childlike skin; break free from the chrysalis, and find my place in the world.